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Love lives here!

Listening to all that is going on
is very hard from where I sit.
Lowell has a lot to offer except
it doesn't guarantee
a bed of roses to anyone. I
know that being here
has changed my life.
I will try only to look ahead,
never back.

When I start to withdraw
I remind myself I have responsibilities
that I am going to have to prepare for.
Being the mother of three small
daughters will be quite a thing for me.
Now that I think of all the sadness
I've caused  my loved ones
I am ashamed.
Now all I wait for is the chance to prove
myself.

 When I start to withdraw

I remind myself I have responsibilities
that I am going to have to prepare for.

Being the mother of three small
daughters will be quite a thing for me.

Now that I think of all the sadness
I've caused  my loved ones

I am ashamed.

Now all I wait for is the chance to prove
myself.

Making Time

We're here together you and I,
You've done your thing - I've did mine.
The Judge gave you life,
And I only five.
We'll both just set making our time.

  Love Prison

Love is like a prison. The only gray walls
are the ones we build with thoughts of love;
How long before I lose all tracks of time . . .
Encaged in my thoughts of love for you . . .
Beautiful and yet sometimes Dark and yes troubled
very, very, troubled.

Ring of Red

I have the ring of red that you gave me;
How long before the gray will lift away
Ring of red . . .sign of love , , ,
Look forward not behind-there is still
a God above.

Endless Time

The minutes seem endless without you love;
Time has stopped- just stopped;
My love for you is locked;
Only you hold the key.............
Turn key lift this endless time..

Hurt alone, yet not alone just sad;
the feeling that the whole word is a lie
Love the word holds only one meaning for me
my children, yes they are what love means to me;
The only true meaning of love for me,
IN sadness they are there waiting to
give love; I am lucky, thank god for that love
I needed it today more than ever.



The Right Door

The beauty of love,
sharing moments of joy and woe;
willing to fight never letting go;
knowing we have found the right door;

who holds the key that opens the door,
even tho I love you, I sometimes look back
to doors I now keep closed, I think sometimes
stand ajar, but love, my love;
those doors are forever closed,
never to open no more;
and if the question should ever arise
as I'm sure that it shall;
don't worry love, I have found the right door!

1975



Cursed My Name

When I was a babe the devil called my name,
Upon my head he placed a curse, heartache came;
For me there is nothing, my heart is cold, No
Love can come in, Oh the shame.
The devil must have looked ahead and shuck his
Head, Then loudly laughed as he put the curse
upon my name;
Oh, the shame. oh, the shame. The curse upon my
name.

He plans carefully each minute of my day. He
makes my life hell.
When I try to pull; away, more hurt into my
Life does come......I know well the shame
Of the curse upon my name.

I walk alone except for the devil's curse
upon my name.
The curse upon my head a life of loneliness
A life of shame.

And everyday reminded of the curse upon my name.
[written February 13, 1975]



1982

You will one day read these words
But not now my love;
For if I were to write these things
I feel, but am unable to share
For I am here and you there
But in God's time you will read
And yes love, even realize how much I care.
Sonny, I love you, in God we are one
Until Death I will devote my life to you
After Death my love will live on with you.
I hurt inside because my body aches for
your touch;
My mind gets tired from remembering the
feel of your body next to mine
My heart neither hurts nor tires-it loves
you unending.

[written June 5, 1982][Sonny was my husband . He was in prison at the time this was written]
[Sonny was killed in a car accident on May 29, 2000] [Then my grandson died May 29, 2010]

1983

Misplaced Love

Once more-Once more
I have chosen to continue
on in life;
For to late our paths crossed
and when it did
A misplaced love was ours
for awhile;
A love ruled by two hearts
Destroyed by two hurting minds
wanting to share
Forever something never meant to be;
For, to late our paths crossed
And when it did,
A misplaced love was ours
for a while.
February 17, 1983

A human is a strange being.
Two eyes - not much seeing.
Two hands to touch
Know their hearts desire;
Strange, a touch isn't much
A body Flesh and fire
Cooled, by time
A human is a strange being
Two eyes - not much seeing.

Love is a memory in time.
Gone - not forgotten.

To speak of life one must know their heart
To speak of love one must know their mind
To speak of another's is another's matter.

When one speaks of their love's hurt and sin
They speak for all who lives and has been.



Love is two people
A man - a woman
Standing together
Caring, sharing
And daring to trust.

Love is a war

Weapons more deadly
Which doesn't kill.

Some say," It's worse
Then death."

For it is fought
Not in far away lands
For there one is aware
Always on guard.

Love's war is fought
with emotions.

The battle is fought
Closer to home,
Inside one's self.

The heart can take back
love given each time, but
Sooner or later it will
rebel, and say, "Why? Why
must I break? I have given.
And tho I will survive,
Why is my love in vain?"
[written February 25, 1983]



1985



Take With You My Heart
The time has come
For us to part;
say no more-
Just take my heart.

Wherever you may go,
Take my love with you;
Never lose sight, and know,
Wherever you are, tis true,
I am, I will be also.

Go, Go now my love,
Take with you my heart;
Question not - God above,
Of love, our love, my love.

J. Tetstone

[Published in Sunshine & Shadows
'A Thousand Onward Years',
by Yes Press, 1985, page 109]

1986


The Human Mind

I am as transparent as the air
I am everywhere and nowhere -
I am happiness and sadness
I am tolerance and torment -
I am strength and weakness
I am wisdom and ignorance -
I am heaven and hell
I am acceptance and denial
I am both prisoner and judge
I am the mind - the human- mind
I am sanity and insanity.

J. Tetstone

[Published in 'Visions of Mine' A Yes Press Publication, 1986, p.118]

Hidden Reality

Between refusing to see and dreams,
Lays hidden- REALITY.
For what is shut-out, cannot be seen,
And what is not, is only a dream.

published in American Poetics: 1986,
Vol.I, The Cambridge Collection



1990

The Soul of Man

Oh, youth, innocents of yesterday gone by
Lover of humanity, elude me not!

I beseech thee to know, while time robs,
It likewise gives.

That the wisdom of living
is found not in the beginning but in life's ending.

Great men have suffered greatly
In an endless search to find
The fountain of youth,
The secrets of time.

Alas, blinded to thy light ,deaf to thy whispers,
Overcome by things of the world,
The flesh draws upon itself
The ugliness of self gain!

Oh, youth You are ever present
to those who forget not~ Thy beginning
and walk in the ever shining light of God
The beginning and the end
The Creator of all things.

Oh, Youth! The secrets of time are written
in the Heavens, and whispered by the angels
to each heart and mind.

Unheeded, yet, ever present~
The Fountain of Youth within the soul of man
12-23-90

1992

Life's Doors

The secret of "Life Door"
Is not told much anymore-
It's sad - but true.....
Life's secret I'll tell to you!

At the end of each road traveled
There stands a shut door!
We open and go in, or......
We stand outside and wish for more;

Once the doors are opened
-and you venture in,
Until you've found the key of faith
You cannot leave again;

Once inside, if the light of the soul
Does not brighten that world-
Then you will have traveled the distance,
Never knowing where you have been!

There are "Door's of Life" few shall open.
And others shall pass by -
which are filled with reached dreams -
For those who dare to try!
[written April 28, 1992]

Truth For Peace

If in the battle for truth
We encounter lies --
Let us search our spirit
For the answers --

Truth's Power fails not the man!
But, the man who fails to follow in
The light of truth --

Woe, be unto the man --
who would trade truth for peace.
[written August 9, 1992]



If My Love Had Wings

If my love had wings,
It would do beautiful things;
It would travel near and far,
To wherever the lonely are;

Wherever there's a need for love,
My wings would carry me~
I would fly the Heavens above,
With unfailing wings, untiring love;

If my love had wings,
Throughout the world love would roam,
Love would do beautiful things~
The lonely would never be alone!

If my love had wings,
It would do beautiful things;
Someone to care, the lonely
would find~
If love had wings, and
They were mine.

[written August 9, 1992]



Suffer not the ear to turn deafly away
From the tormented spirit-
Be not Blind to the creature
For judgment belongs not to man-
To God will all things
be called before
And While the creature of Satan
stalk the weak soul-venturing at
every side to destroy, the link,
that faith ties man to God.

Man does not escape torment
For he himself - is blinded to
the ways of Satan- unaware
he falls into the snares of
evil forces - Faith is the
shield of protection - without Faith
as the barrier between Hell and Heaven;
We are doomed - for no man rich or poor
shall escape the devil's traps hidden
beneath "worldly things."
[written August 1992]



1993


Over The Horizon

On the horizon stood the
-man
Motionless, between past and destiny
As Death crossed over to eternity -
A last glance toward a world left behind
He asked of Destiny - (God) -
a miracle, his loved ones may see -
Destiny touched the motionless man
with A Mighty hand -
And a tear fell from death's closed eye -
As the motionless man between past and Destiny
Begin to cry - for all his loved ones to see -
A miracle from beyond the horizon
As man takes that final step
toward his destiny - God.
[written March 27, 1993]

[In 1975 my daddy was the man who touched me
and others with the tears that fell from
death's closed eye.]



Ultimate Action

Every word, every thought, every deed .....
Is a seed of hope or a seed of destruction;
Let us ponder the deed beforehand:
Remembering God knows and sees all things,
And judges man's heart whether it be filled
with the purity of truth.

God considers what was in the heart before the
deed, before He takes the ultimate action!

Let us ponder our thoughts, choose wisely each word,
Turn to God for clear direction, before taking the
Ultimate action!!

For, it is better never to take that ultimate action,
When good intentions are not followed by the heart;
For by our thoughts, words, and deeds, we shall each
be judged-by what we have sown..
When God takes, His Ultimate Action . . . nothing shall
escape, or go un-noticed, be they our seeds of hope or
seeds of We each shall be judged, thereby:
~Every thought
~Every word
~Every deed.
[written April 21, 1993]


My eyes that once touched yours
has closed in eternal rest;
My hand that once touched yours
has folded in eternal prayer;
My lips that once moved you
to tears and laughter now sings
in Heavens choir.
Tho, I took with me precious memories,
Remember dear family and friends,
I leave with you my love.
And an angels prayer that the Faith that
guided my life and the love that we
shared face to face might reunite us
once more at Heavens gate.
[written May 8, 1993]



LORD, You gave her to me loan.
You told me," It won't be for long,
I'll send her a special Angel -
to bring her back home."

LORD, Thank you for that special time,
I held her and loved her and called her mine.
Tho, I find all around me a kind of emptiness,
I KNOW, I'm a Mother Blessed.

LORD, don't let me fail you,
for YOU KNOW, even though I always knew,
she belonged to YOU.
You know a loving Mother hates letting go.

LORD, I know there shall be a time
I may forget she wasn't mine.
And cry a tear or two now that she is gone.

And LORD, HELP ME not
to forget in the hard moments,
SHE WAS NEVER REALLY MINE,
I WAS KEEPING HER FOR YOU.

LORD, Thank You for that special time
I held her and loved her and called her mine.
Though I find all around me a kind of emptiness,
I KNOWN FOR HAVING HER
I'M A MOTHER BLESSED.
[written May 9, 1993]


The Stillness

In the stillness of the moment
Memories wonder through my mind,
Like arrows piercing my heart;
Tears make war with my sanity.
I will not yield. I will release
not the flood of self piety~

For my strength lay not amidst
Selfishness found within the
loneliness of the moment~

My strength rests on the solid
foundation of my faith!
Protect me God. for
In the stillness of the moment,
Memories torment my flesh;
How great my pain! How great~
my weakness!

Thank You, God, for in the stillness
of the moment as memories wonder
~through my mind
Like arrows, my shield of faith,
turns the arrows and calms the storm.
And my weakest moments are strengthened
By Your Presence!
[written June 29, 1993]

If I Could Get A Little Bit Closer To Jesus

The evils attack all things dear
Covered, hidden by the night -
Yet present - Oh God send
Your Angels to stand guard -
for they scream vengeance with
every strike directed at the
Shield of Faith which engulfs
my flesh and protects my spirit;
Give me strength to stand against
evil - Guide me with All wisdom
and with Your Mighty Hand turn
the evil spears aimed in attack;
For evil seeks not to destroy the
flesh - Evil seeks to destroy the Soul.
I ask in Faith, knowing You have
the power to turn back evil.
I ask in Jesus name. Amen
[written August 21, 1993]

Who Passed Her Way

Sonya's hair sparkled like golden-threads
of sunbeams, entwining in a golden sunset;
The blueness of the bluest skies
(I shall not forget)
Reminds me of Sonya's eyes;
Which sparkled childish delight,
As she lived the life she loved
In her kind and gentle ways~
The shine in Sonya's eyes reflected
To all who knew and loved her~
Sonya's love for life ~ the happiness she drew
~from, just being alive!
Showed in the sparkle in Sonya's blue eyes . . .

Sonya, had to go ~ she could not stay ( She loved
All who passed her way)
In the flickering of an-eye, Sonya ~
~Swerved off the road that day;
With all the faith she processed Sonya,
~ Gave her life away!
Why did she leave the road that day?
(She loved all who passed her way)
For this reason Sonya could not stay,
In faith she lived ~ In faith she died,
(For the one who passed her way ~ that day)

When God's angel came to collect God's loan
To take another loved one Home - I experienced

[written November 1, 1993]

[Sonya went off the road to keep from hitting a boy on a bike.]

1994

Man cannot touch with mire words,
Tho his heart beats life's tune~
Man cannot reach deep enough inside
Tho the answers are encaged~
To lay hand on the pureness of heart,
That is enraged and yet, the calmest of existence~
Man cannot touch mankind without conquering his own rage,
Calming the restless spirit of self ~ for the tune is of
life, of death ~ of living and of dying~ that each must
storm for himself~ only through the passing of
Two lives ~ two spirits touch and for that moment
Are in harmony with life's tune.

[written January 1, 1994]



1995

God, You Know

God, there's nothing I can think or feel
that you don't already know ....
You know the burden I carry~
You know my heart and it's pain~
You know the "ifs" IN MY MIND,
"If, the Death Angel hadn't came and
taken my daughter away ........
I 'd still be thanking God for extending
our time together another day."

God, there's nothing I can think or feel
that you don't already know ........
You know my weaknesses~
You know my strengths~
God, You know without You to lean on
I would never have had the strength
to accept my loss as Heaven's gain.....
Gods, there's nothing I can think or feel
this day, that you don't already know......
"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away."
[written April 6, 1995]



When you moved to Heaven
they told us you were gone;
We told them that your house
wasn't you that you'd moved into
your new home.
They told us you were gone;
We told them that's not true,
Before God took you to live
with him, He lived in your house,
too!
They told us you were gone!
Little did they know,
"We saw more than your house.
We knew the soul that dwelled inside
That lives in Heaven this day,
Where the soul never dies."
November 9, 1995

1997

A Mother's Bouquet

Every time God sends an angel to earth
With a special gift . . .
Wrapped in a blanket of sunshine,
A flower is added to a mother's bouquet~
With no promise that the angel won't return
another day, to take the flower and the
sunshine away.

Every time God sends an angel with a gift
For a mother's bouquet,
He sends another angel to take back a flower
For Heaven's bouquet . . .

Every time God sends an angel to earth
With a special gift for a mother's bouquet,
Wrapped in a blanket of sunshine
Another angel takes some sunshine away
From another mother's bouquet . . .

And, for every tear a mother cries in her
time of sorrow, another mother, somewhere,
Cries tears of joy.
[written September 7, 1997]

2000


[I put no title]
Oh, so tired of the endless journey called life
That strips some of everything
And endowers others with much more
than each deserve . . .

What is man's life - that it can be
dismissed- without thought ....
If there be a God - why does his
Light shine on so few -

Tell me, I pray - where will this journey end -
When will my tears seize to drain
from my heart the blood of my being - - -

Judge me not -or judge me with
eyes that look deep into my soul -
For our ways shall part - and what will it
matter ....

For, you never knew me - nor-
have I known you - my friend,
That might have been, if only we had
reached out and grasp that wonderful
thing called ..... Friendship
[written October 15, 2000]



Give To Me

Give to me a tear that I might wash myself in human misery
~And know the touch of heartache
Give to me a smile that I might place it on my sad face
~And know the touch of happiness
Give to me happiness that I might wash myself in joy
~And know the touch of friendship
Give to me a prayer that I might know God
~And know the touch of forgiveness
Give to me love that I might fill the emptiness in the world
~And know the touch of a lifetime.
[written 11-05-2000]


2007

Sister

My dear sister told me
just yesterday
She has a hard time
with her memory
Which was really strange
to me........

Since she so easily
remembers things
About our childhood
so clearly.
Listening to her talk
of her memory
slipping away......

I realized the
Importance of the day
Sharing the most
important memories
With my dear sister,
In words, before they too
slip away.

-Janice Sanford 9-27-2007



 

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